It's been quite a while since I've written anything here.  I spend my free writing time on my own blog these days.

Gone Fishin':  Postcards from God

 But I thought I'd start putting a few of the more political things on KOS also.  So here is a pre-post of tomorrow's postcard to our illustrious, (Or is that illustrous?), attorney general.

 Like all of us in this new-fangledy age of Intertubes, I sometimes pass through them things that I find amusing.  The only problem with this arrangement; and this may have happened to you, too; is that other people also stuff things in the tubes.  Sometimes those people are, and you may want to sit down for this... Republicans.

 In college, I had my head filled with a lot of crazy ideas about what was expected of journalists.  Honesty.  Curiosity.  Steering clear of conflicts of interest.  Nurturing a watchdog function over government.  We tended to take it for granted that those of us who planned for a career in print journalism were a higher order of journalist than the shallow television "journalists".  Over the years, though, it slowly became obvious that there were really only a relative handful who lived up to our youthful expectations.  Some journalists are outright hacks, but most are just lazy.  Honestly, I was a pretty lazy journalist... which may have had something to do with my change of career; but I digress.

 The point is, there are still some journalistic heroes out there and I think they deserve a pat on the back; a reward of some kind.

Date:  Tue, 1 May 2007 11:09:23 EST

From:  "The Big Guy" satan@hell.gov.edu.com

To:  "Minion List B"

Subject:  Re:  Total Domination of USA

Hi guys!  It's Beelzebub, Destroyer of Worlds, Great Dragon, Father of Lies and Curdler of Milk here.

 I sent you all a reminder a few days ago that we were kicking off Part 3 of the Big Plan to take over the Last Righteous Country.  Part 1, (Bill Clinton), on the whole, went well.  No one could have predicted the Lewinski thing, so don’t keep beating yourself up about it.  That means you, Shagrag, Shoveller of Cowpats from My Own Satanic Herd, 2nd Class.  You’re doin’ a heck of a job.  I mean that.

 That got your attention, didn't it?  I'm sorry I had to do that, but I know it's the only sure way to attract actors, writers, directors and other theatre professionals.
 Before we get to those Free Drinks**, let me just mention for those who haven't really noticed my name; I'm an actor.  Not the Mega-Star Brad Pitt kind, or the highly-respected Stanley Tucci kind or even the not-many-people-have-heard-of-but-he-works-all-the-time kind.  No, I'm the he-would-starve-if-he-didn't-have-a-day-job kind.  I'm also the kind who reads and posts to Daily Kos.
 Which finally brings us around to the point.

JELLYSTONE -  Members of the ranger community at Jellystone National Park have just announced a Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade.  What began as a minor altercation over a pick-a-nick basket three days ago involving park resident Yossarian "Yogi" Bear and the ranking park ranger, Ranger John Francis Smith, devolved into something quite different.  Only moments into a simple discussion of a misplaced pick-a-nick basket, several other rangers happened on the scene at which point one, Ranger Black, first implied that Ranger Smith was too lenient on "welfare bears" and then inexplicably accused Smith of having "Democrat" leanings.

Disturbing news is winging its way out of Serbia right now. Winging its way on leathery wings... straight from hell! (Please play "Three-Chord Horror Movie Sound" in your head right now, as my budget is quite low.)

To cheaply bastardize a former late-night comic actor; Slobodan Milosevic is still clinically dead. Or, rather, not exactly alive. UN-dead. So, this past weekend a civic-minded, modern-day Kolchak drove a stake through his no-longer-beating heart.

Literally. That's not a metaphor. Stake

As any scholar of the undead will tell you, this is the traditional remedy for vampire infestations. Also, as is commonly known in the anti-undeadifying business, vampires, while avid vacationers to England and America, are indigenous to the Eastern European area around Serbia. Therefore, this occurrence is slightly interesting to us here in the US of A, but not of any great import. After all, vampires kill less than 17 people annually in the US(1).  

 What follows is a transcript of last evening’s "Grimm’s Roundtable" discussion of the president’s speech to the nation.  Please note that the views and opinions expressed are those of the guests only and do not necessarily reflect the views of Fairytale Broadcasting Corporation.

WOLF GRIMM:

 Good evening and welcome to "Grimm’s Roundtable".  I’m your host, Wolf Grimm.  Tonight; the presidential address concerning troop levels for the war in Toontown.  Our guests are former advisors to the Wicked Witch and members of the Baker Commission, Hansel & Gretel.  Well-known conservative pundit and radio talk-show host, Druscilla Step-Sister.  FBC’s military consultant and current VP of Halliburton, Captain James Hook, (Ret.).  MSM News anchor Wenig Pigg; and former presidential advisor and life-long friend, Sleepy Dwarf.

 We’ll be back after these messages.

 Today, there are still people who believe that the earth is flat.  At least, there is a web page that claims to be the home page of the Flat Earth Society.  It lists topics such as "Dispelling common myths about 'proof' regarding round earth theory".  It seems a little too tongue-in-cheek and not quite wacky enough to be real.  I mean, come on.  Using the most basic and cursory scientific method disproves the Pancake-Earth "theory".

 However, up until 2001, if you wrote to Charles K. Johnson at a certain address in Lancaster, CA he would send you information about the International Flat Earth Research Society.  This one's real; you can look it up yourself.  Among the materials he sent were these passages:

President Bush, in his 1:00 PM propaganda addre... er... Press Conference, after finally cutting loose the bloated political albatross that was Donald Rumsfeld, (while simultaneously lauding him as a "patriot, who served this country with honor and distinction,"), immediately launched into an explanation of why the country turned blue overnight.

Because we're happy with his Iraq policy.

I was raised on Sesame Street. Not literally on Sesame Street; I mean I watched it near-religiously growing up. I learned a lot from Kermit and Grover and the gang. The basic values that Sesame Street taught me are what we like to think are the basic values of the nation.

I wanted to write something today about the government's alleged use of LSD for interrogation purposes. Rather, I wanted to complain that the government that I pay taxes to is giving out free acid and I have yet to see so much as a half-hit of it.

To be perfectly honest, what I really wanted to do was wax nostalgic about my college days.

Then it occurred to me that my sainted Republican mother might accidentally read it and we'd be forced to acknowledge the elephant in the room, (no pun intended, mostly). Perhaps there are mothers out there with sufficiently progressive views that recreational drug use is a non-starter for them; but they didn't slave over a hot stove to send me to college. Okay, well, actually the folks only paid for college as long as I agreed to go to a church-affiliated school, (like a rock, I toughed it out for two semesters), but you get the idea.

Which got me thinking about my folks' political views.